and you'll find the broken bones

of ashtray heroes

within your lover's heart

I want to lie with you in bed until sunrise;

Taste your lips full and red like an apple;

Make up stories where we pretend

that you're not leaving tomorrow

that this is real

that I'm not pretending.

We can imagine

that the flowers don't wilt in the winter;

tears don't freeze on my cheeks.

and happily ever after isn't a fairy-tale

made up by demons

to keep us dreaming.

You stole your way into my life.

You arrived unexpectedly,
from nowhere.
You stole your way into my life,
became a part of me.

And I fell in love with you in a way that I've never loved before.

You became my everything so quickly,
made me completed,
wanted,
a part of something bigger than just you or me.

But just as unexpectedly as you had forced your way into my life,
You found your way out of it.
You pushed me away.
Told me I wasn't wanted here–
not anymore.

You left me reeling for a piece of myself that I hadn't known was missing,
until...
you stole your way into my life.

Without you, I'd feel empty and alone
but with you, is it any different?

I just want to hold your hand, and drink fruity things while we sit on the sofa watching television. Snuggle into you as I go to sleep at night. Make you breakfast in bed and cupcakes on your birthday, and the days when I feel like it in between. Wake up to your face on my pillow, eyes scrunched shut against the morning sun. Hear you moan your protest at going outside, or shopping, or to visit my parents. I want to dress up to go out and never leave the house because we end up back in bed. Can't help but kiss you every time I see your face, and hold your hand up to my heart.

No!

There's a sinking in my stomach
like a stone
dropped in a well.

Tears overflow my eyes
like waterfalls
I cannot dam up
fast enough.

My heart shatters,
like a glass pane
had a rock thrown through it
by a teenager on the street.

Knots in my chest twist together
like discarded jewellery
in a box on the dresser.

And still I do not know
the source of my aching,
this pain deep within my being
that no matter what I do
returns to haunt me
in shadows.

Always lurking --
awaiting its chance to strike me down.

But I will not fall victim to
blameless thoughts
that live in my dreams
and hide under my blankets.

No!

This poem was pieces in my head that I tried to put together but I don't know how I like it

Teenage Love

is something you shouldn't experience in your twenties.

You should know better than that.

Funny, isn't it? How all of the sudden you're too old?

when your whole life you've been told you're too young.

too young for alcohol

too young for drugs

too young for sex

and gambling, and curses. 

Even when you're old enough you're told

you shouldn't.

it isn't worth it.

on and on and on. 

But who are they to step into your life and tell you

what you can experience?

and when.

and how.

Who are they?

Those who tell you how to act with your body

react with it

feel

the motions and the movements.

What do they know about your experience?

how you feel inside your bones when you 

see.

a bright flower

hear.

the ocean

tremble. 

as you explore a lovers' body

I say no.

No!

no to your bullshit about happiness.

what's mine isn't yours to take.

I've got sunshine,

desire,

commitment.

And I'm not about to let it go.

I'm not too young for anything.

My body isn't yours to control. 

I will wake it,

shake it,

let it see and hear and tremble all it wants.

I will experience my body.